Yesterday I turned 32. I spent the day surrounded by family and friends. I got flowers and a tasty little slice of chocolate cake. It was a good day. And it was not the day I had imagined it would be.
I have been an inpatient at Baystate for fetal monitoring since last week. It turns out that having twins is challenging, not just in the raising of two little hellions but also in the carrying, growing and development of them.
We’ve got one twin who is quite a bit smaller than his brother. Our little guy is not getting a full helping of dinner! In this situation with mono-di twins there is a lot more that they don’t know than that they do know. It’s clear that things could change quickly and without a ton of warning. So, I’ll be in this hospital most likely for the rest of my pregnancy, which I’m hoping will be as close to full term as possible. Although, with twins we’re going to be very happy if we make it to 32 or 34 weeks. And as much as I dislike hospitals (and oh god the food is bad) I would much rather be here if it gives the boys their best chance.
Both David and I have nervously been attending every ultrasound to hear how the blood flow and other indicators of health are doing. It does feel a lot like fumbling around in the dark. We can see the twins on the ultrasound and they can say “right now they are good” or “right now there is an anomaly” that makes everyone nervous. So far the anomalies have not been serious enough to act on, but we really only get these momentary snapshots. At this instant there is a good heart rate, and good movement. At this next instant there may not be such clear good signs, but so far there haven’t been many bad signs, just a lot of yellow flags. Again, we’re in uncharted waters. There are reasons to act, reasons to wait it out and see what changes, and at any given moment the factors might tip. Right now we are in a holding pattern of wait and see and monitor.
We are so lucky to have the team at work that we do. The whole community of people that have grown around Volante Design has been such a wonderful side effect of making a company that we believe in. The customers and community that we’ve been able to have is a really unexpected joy. Recently, David and I have been out a lot. The staff at work have been so patient and flexible and good at their jobs! It’s really a great little team we’ve got. We’re so grateful to them for keeping the business running smoothly in our absence and to our community for meeting them halfway. We could not do it without them or you!
What we’re experiencing is tough. There’s no debating that. It’s not what I pictured at all. I thought I’d get to have my boys at home, or maybe in a hospital but not via c section. It’s all changed so much from what I pictured in the early days. I never imagined I’d be happy to have gotten to the 200 lbs mark, but I have and I am. I never imagined I’d be living in a hospital for what we hope is a month at least. I never imagined I’d need so much help from my mom, my family, my friends. I have learned I have to ask. I am still working on that part. I never imagined that I’d be so ferociously proud of a little heartbeat or how happy it would make me to be kicked in the ribs. We are rising to the occasion. That is all that we can do.
But in all honesty, I am ok. I am well, they are well right now, David’s hair is graying faster than I’ve seen in all our business ups and downs. I think it suits him. Although I wish there was a way for us all to worry a little less.
I’m not sure how possible that will be. Maybe it’s a new lifetime occupation. However I do hope that there are a few less reasons to worry in the future.
Thank you for reading and thank you for being with us and believing in our little family business over all these years.
It truly means the world.