This Moment

Dear friends, 


It seems like the world is in a shitstorm of panic, arrogance, fear of each-other, fear for each-other and few leaders. Is it just me or is the waiting the hardest thing. We are home, not seeing people, not touching people, keeping serious distance from strangers. We have not bought 10 years of TP. We did buy a lot of food. I am a nervous cook, cleaner, project do-er. So far I have made 2 roast chickens with parsnips, carrots, potatoes, onions etc, potato salad, quinoa salad, roast Brussels sprouts with peanut sauce, hummus from scratch, crunchy roasted chickpea snack, and it's only been about 2 days. Who will eat all this food that my nervous hands have made? I can't. David and I eat watching tv, or over our phones, or with a podcast on, anything to try not to think about it all, all the time. 
There is so much unknown. When will this end? Will we be in business when this is over? How will we take care of ourselves? How will we take care of our workers? They feel like our family. We've had to let people go, so that they can get unemployment. Now of course they can get unemployment if they just can't work, but that wasn't true a week ago. When will we be able to hire them back? What's next? 
I have to believe that we will all learn something from this. I have to believe that there will be some good coming from this. I have to believe in humanity and that they're generally good. I know a lot of good humans. 
Could we help? Could we make masks? Could we make gowns? I think so, we have the skills, but where do we send them? 
Today I called all my local hospitals, they seem ok on supplies. They say they'll call us. There are all these outcries for help online, but then no follow up of what to do, how to help, who to call. They seem to have gone home for the weekend. Sounds absurd, doesn't it? Nurses and doctors are not going home for the weekend. 

What has happened to the week? We are all either walking through the days like Zombies, or acutely suffering through the small moments. 
I'm not good at doing nothing, I think I may have said that already. 
I want to be a resistance fighter. If this were a war, I'd be a cook, like my granddad in the Navy. I'd be that bossy lady who is doing 12 things at once and making sure that everyone is fed. Anyone who's been in the theater knows the type. Usually, it's a woman, often a stage manager, she makes everyone get on stage on time with the right stuff and the right make up. She remembers what you're allergic to and always has another snack for you. She's not always nice, because she has to be bossy to get the 17 year old boys to get on stage in time, but she is sweet. That's who I am. I want to take care of people, and in my little bubble, in my house, I have cared for and harassed everyone who's here already. Two dogs are washed, exercised and fed. Husband is sick of my hand-wringing, and well fed. House is clean, laundry is done. Now what? 
At the moment, there are two things that are giving me some solace. One of them is Haley Heynderickx's song Bug Collector. It's just right somehow. The other one is the little signs of spring that are sneaking up on us. The lilac bush in front of my house is going to bloom in a few weeks, virus or no, job or no, problems be damned. The spring is not worried about all these human problems. 
If we can make hospital gowns, we will post a "donate here" button to help cover some of the costs of them. Maybe we can make a difference. Stay tuned. Be good humans. Be kind to your anxious hearts and forgive your isolation-mates for their inevitable sins. 


  • Walt

    This is beautiful. I think there is so much of the human element of living right now that’s missing from social media. But this, right here, is the human element. And it gives me hope to read things like this and feel the humanity. Bless you for using your talent to contribute and help those who need it.

  • Joanna Volante

    Very well expressed. I am so very proud of you and I couldn’t love you more than I do! Stay safe and keep your chin up , dear daughter 💕😘

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